the fallacy of screwing things up on your own

My sort of mantra of late is, "We could have effed this up by ourselves for free!" Technically, that's true. We're real good at effing things up around here. Check out the exemplary job we did effing up the trim for our new window and its adjoining siding:



However, the truth when I admit it is that we're capable of a whole different order of effing things up. I wouldn't put it past us to eff things up in such a way that the entire house falls down on our heads.

I've got a couple of loans this week for things that it is probably possible to DIY. I feel ok with this, because, really, you can DIY anything. The person you hire to do the job that seems intimidating is just another person, and at some point he or she - like you - knew absolutely jack about heating and air conditioning systems or torch-down bitumen or whatever. On the other hand, he or she has been practicing and you have just been sitting at your makeshift kitchen half deep in a bottle of wine reading home improvement manuals featuring photos of people who are suspiciously kempt and five-fingered. So while you may feel like a bit of a failure when you consider all the things you're hiring out, some resigned, less romantic part of you recognizes that this is just good sense.

When this whole renovation thing is done (and I am fully aware, thank you, of the curse I've put on myself merely typing out those words) I may be expert in some aspect of home improvement. Maybe even a couple. But there is no way I plan to be at this long enough to become expert in all of them. Therefore, I am strongly considering paying someone who goes by "Shorty" (no last name) to cut a hole in the ceiling. The attic needs to be enlarged so the furnace can fit up there.

There doesn't seem to be anything really complicated about enlarging the attic. A beam needs to be cut. Some electricity stapled to the beam needs to be moved. A header needs to be attached across the cut beams to the adjoining beams. Simple, non-technical. The reason I am screwing around on my blog at the moment instead of performing this essentially straight-forward task is that IT'S THE GODDAMNED CEILING. And, as previously mentioned, I don't want the roof to collapse on my head. Whenever we get anywhere near structural-with-a-capital-S, my DIY resolve goes soft on me and dudes named Shorty-no-last-name telling me things I already know begin to sound convincing.

Part of me is certain that I will hire Shorty, he will do the work late, and the ceiling will be left noticeably sagging. And that when that happens I will stand underneath a ragged hole with my hands on my hips, looking up and saying, "We could have effed this up for free on our own." And I'll be pissed, but I'll still think it's kind of funny, because when the worst happens, the worst won't actually be that bad.

contractors

I'm coming to understand the true beauty of Do It Yourself renovations, I think. It's not the romance, or the assurance that everything will be done exactly as you want it (or as near as your skills allow you to approximate). It's that Yourself, unlike a contractor, will not come to your house, spend two hours giving you an "estimate" that involves a lot of time spent telling horror stories about other contractors and explaining why is costs $40,000 to do the job "to code," only to immediately drop off the face of the earth. You always know where Yourself is and do not have to call Yourself every single day to stand a chance of ever getting a final bid. Yourself is extremely capable of holding up work in myriad ways, but refusing to return your phone calls is not one of them.

I've had three companies come out to estimate foundation repairs. I have a bid from one. One sent a bid that involved putting new piers in the middle of the yard and I'm waiting for that to be corrected. One has become simply unreachable. Apparently these guys don't need my business, which works out well because I'd probably never hire them now, but I'd still like to see the estimates to better evaluate the one bid I do have. There's another company coming out on Friday. Having learned my lesson, I am not letting the guy leave until he puts the bid in my hand.

Plumbers, if possible, seem to be even worse. I'd heard that about plumbers. Even the guy who was recommended to me won't set up an appointment. I had an appointment to see another company "sometime today," and had asked for about two hours' notice. When he called today, he asked when I'd like to do it. "This afternoon?" I asked, confused. "Or tomorrow morning would work, I guess.." I added after a brief silence.

"Let's do tomorrow morning," he responds.

"Ok. About what time? Around eigh-"

"I'll give you a call around lunchtime, ok?"

I don't equate lunchtime with morning. Nor, I suspect, does this guy. Within the space of a single 30 second phone call I got rescheduled twice. I'm very curious as to whether I will meet this plumber tomorrow. My money right now is on No.

The one group who seem to be reliable are the electricians. No no-shows, no rescheduling, they've been there exactly when they said they would both times so far. Maybe this is a sign that I should start with the electric and wait for the foundation guys to figure out how to operate their telephones. Unfortunately, foundation really needs to come first. I hope that on Friday, I'll be in a position to schedule something.

spark of hope

After feeling all doom & gloom most of the weekend due to some reactions to the home inspector's photos (which it was possibly unwise to share in the first place), I got some good news today. An electrician from Duhon Electric came out for an estimate and it turns out that the "drop" to my house is just peachy. It's not mammoth by any stretch, but it'll give me at least 100 amps, which should be good enough, especially considering that I need to use less electricity anyway.

The electrician said that, contrary to what the home inspection indicated, the house had no immediate or dangerous issues, and that the voltage should be just fine for powering the tools that'll go into renovating. He gave me a ballpark of about $1,800 to replace the panel, which is old and not labeled. It's also not grounded and has a lot of open slots which are not useful for much except an expedient suicide. Then, as I stood inside relaying the good news to my boyfriend, we decided to take a look inside the mystery box the previous owners had left us on the kitchen counter. Contents: one spankin' new, totally modern electrical panel.

I'm getting a second estimate from my real estate agent's electrician on Thursday, but it's going to be a tough sell at this point. The electrician I talked to today was what I hope every contractor I work with will be like. He was friendly, earnest, smart, and didn't talk down to me. (You have enough people refuse to explain things to you - presumably - because of your gender, you get kind of sensitive about it.) Moreover, he made a clear delineation between what building codes required and actual safety hazards. Though he agreed that the electrical for the whole house should be updated, he seemed to be on board with my proposal that the house go up and down before replacing the panel, and then we go room by room, modernizing the wiring as walls came out.

I would love to think all of the house's needed repairs are going to be this smooth to plan, but I kind of doubt it. I've been rereading Gutted: Down to the Studs in My House, My Marriage, My Entire Life to make myself feel better about my comparably simple remodeling job. It's also good for short little factoids that are at least giving me a basis for further research into construction and stuff. (That and HGTV, which is actually probably doing me more harm than good.) One of the pieces of wisdom it contains is that electrical is the last thing you do because you can put it anywhere. So I can get the panel installed, but any serious rewiring is going to have to wait until I get a plumber to return my phones calls and plan out the central air and heating.

Still, knowing there are good contractors out there who I will get to work with if I can just get the foundation and everything else finished gives me hope.